Penny Jordan's Weblog

Widowhood

I haven't posted for ages because so much as been going on, and had intended to update today anyway, but having just finished reading the Sunday papers, I was so sparked off by several articles about 'widowhood' that I had to do this first.

The truth is - and all widows know this - that being a widow puts you in 'another place' and very often it's a place you just do not want to be. And that place goes something like this!

Widows constantly mourn their husbands - or at least they should do.

Widows dress in sensible clothes and are content to live quietly.

Widows are grateful for the scraps of normal socialising thrown to
them every now and again by condescending still in pairs.

Widows, when they attend these functions they must at all times behave modestly, ie. they must not go over and talk with the men, even if they are only trying to get past them to get to the bar. Why should they need the bar?

Widows do not drink! And if they do then they are a disgrace and probably alcoholics. Unlike paired women. Paired women who drink, 'need' a drink to help them to cope with all those widows trying to hit on their men!

Widows must at all times when socialising with 'pairs' refrain from doing anything that may draw male attention to them (unless of course a kind friend digs up some decrepit eldery chap for them in which case they MUST be extremely grateful. Yes even if he smells of mothballs!

Widows must not try to snaffle single attractive men at parties - flirting with these men is the prerogative of paired off women.

Widows should remember at all times the modest and rightful demeanour their widowhood enforces on them. ie bent head, dull clothes, and always always when in mixed comany a humble grateful attitude toward their still paired women friends, who now are obviously much higher up the female social scale than they are themselves.

Widows are the new 'poor relation' and should always expect to be treated as such by other un widowed women, when men are around.

Wdows must not laugh out aloud - especially in mixed company. Men might think they could be fun and come and talk to them.

Widows must not say anything even mildly sexy or teasing anywhere within the hearing of an already paired man.

Widows must not accept some partnered male's reckless offer to come round and cut their hedge/fix their car, etc. etc, because they should know that to do so is tantamount to incitement and/or enticement, and not the way for a widow to behave.

BUT on the other hand it is perfectly right and proper and acceptable for a partered woman to offer to cook/wash/shop/make beds/decorate etc. etc. for a widower

Widows must not form a new relationship - why would they want to? They cannot possibly want a new man having lost the one they had.

Widows should not want to have sex and/or a new relationship.

Widowers on the other hand 'need' the comfort and the companionsbip of a new partner. Ahhhh poor things!

Of course all widows, including me have wonderful women friends who certainly do not impose on them any of the above - but believe me there are plenty of women around who do and will.

To be a widow is both to be pitied by Bridget Jones' 'smug marrieds' and at the same time to be expected to submit themselves to a life of semi seclusion.

I read in one of today's newspaper articles a quote from a youngish widow stating that young widows were expected to get over their grief quickly - and yes she is right - one is expected to 'get over it' and not to botthr others with one's grief, but at the same time you are also expected to be satisfied with the half life that widowhood imposes on you.

New Book Launch

had the launch of my new book at the Nantwich Bookshop on Friday - oh but it was sooooo hot!

Writers' Group

I have about five names now of people who want to join the Wrtiers' Group and the room above the bookshp we can have our our meetings is wonderful. The bookshop building dates backto 1536 and this room is panelled with a large leaded window - we shall sit around a round table to work and I can't imagine anyone with any kind of creative instinct not feeling empowered and excited by the air of this room.

Crighton Books

Virtually every week I receive an email from someone asking me when there will be more of these books.

The Crighton family live in a fictionalised version of Nantwich and I love them all so much but the books did not sell well and so HMB will not allow me to write any more. Neither because of my contract am I allowed to do as I wish and that is to publish an ongoing Crighton Family column on my web site - So please those of you who want to read more about the Crightons, - write to my publishers and not to me!